An Imagined Letter From One President to Another

By MATTHEW DOWD

June 8, 2013

The Honorable George W. Bush
Former President
Crawford, Texas

Dear George,

I use George instead of president because, well, Michelle tells me that it is confusing for me as the president to call another person president. I think you understand this a lot better than Bill that you can only have one president at a time.

Also, I am sending this letter to Crawford instead of Dallas because I read recently you were mountain biking at your ranch (that reminds me I need to start looking into where I am going to live after I am done here, and I promise I won't be moving to Texas because who knows when that will turn blue).

For starters, I wanted to say it was great seeing you at your presidential library opening. What a great event, and please tell your dad hi for me. He is a great guy, and I love that your mom said the country doesn't need any more Bushes. I think that will be true about Obamas, especially after this last couple of weeks. I feel like you must have felt before you left office.

And now for the purpose of this letter (I know you are rolling your eyes and saying, "just get to the point," but you know me: I can be a little long-winded at times): I wanted to say I am sorry.

I am sorry that, as a United States senator and presidential candidate, I was critical of you about so many things I now, myself, am doing.

I am sorry about saying Guantanamo would be closed immediately and it was a blight on America. It is still wide open for business.

I am sorry for criticizing you and your administration for intrusions on American's privacy and invasions into personal liberties. My NSA took what you did and put it on steroids.

I am sorry for criticizing the way you waged the war on terror. I have personally approved a number of drone strikes and actually have said it is OK to kill an American on foreign soil without due process. I know you are probably saying, "Aren't you the expert on the Constitution?" but, as you know, being president is hard work.

And, by the way, between you and me, I know your vice president was probably upset my administration got Osama Bin Laden (I get the sense he might have some anger issues and I sure wish he would have kept quiet like you have), but it was really thanks to you and my continuation of your national security policies.

Read more:

http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/imagined-...73#.UbPLdfbwKFE

Can't be from Obama.

Fifth paragraph, first 3 words. Zero's never uttered those words in his life.

Besides, if Zero ever DID send Bush a letter, it'd probably be riddled with anthrax.