Daily Mail
by Isabella Dutton
April 3, 2013

My son Stuart was five days old when the realisation hit me like a physical blow: having a child had been the biggest mistake of my life.

(excerpted)
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/articl...l#ixzz2QFkCeJ2u

Quote: Justme wrote in post #2

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Why on earth did this loser bother writing this?

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Quote: Justme wrote in post #4

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Still...it's like passing gas in a crowd. Some things are not considered bragging rights.

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Quote: Justme wrote in post #2

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Why on earth did this loser bother writing this?

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Zitat

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Jo, 31, shares my opinion about motherhood: she has never wanted children; perhaps my views have shaped hers.


It is her tragedy that eight years ago she developed multiple sclerosis and had to give up her job as a chef. She is now bed-bound and lives with Tony and me.

I am her full-time carer and if I could have MS instead of her, I gladly would. She knows I would do anything to relieve her suffering and that I will care for her as long as I am able. I am 57 now and as I approach old age, I have an ever-more dependent daughter.

Yet I would cut off my right arm if she or Stuart needed it.

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She is not a bad woman. She is depressed, she sees herself trapped with nothing but suffering for the rest of her life and she has a bad case of "Caretaker Burnout".

After a while, "Caretaker Burnout" can start doing pretty nasty things to a mind.

The following is from the ALS Association:

Zitat

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http://www.alsa.org/als-care/caregivers/caregivers-month/symptoms-of-caregiver-burnout.html

Symptoms of Caregiver Burnout

<snip>

•Feeling emotional withdrawal.
•Feeling trapped.
•Thinking of disappearing or running away.
•Not being able to laugh or feel joy.
•Withdrawing from activities and the lives of others around the primary caregiver.
•Feeling hopeless most of the time.
•Loss of compassion.
•Resenting the care recipient and/or the situation.
•Neglecting or mistreating the care recipient.
•Frequently feeling totally alone, even though Mends and family are present.
•Wishing simply “to have the whole thing over with.”
•Playing the “if only” game: Saying over and over “If only this would happen” or “If only this hadn’t happened.”
•Loss of hope, purpose and meaning.
•Thinking of suicide as a means of escape.

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Unless she has paid help, this 57 year old woman cannot leave her house for a movie date with her spouse. You cannot leave a bed-bound person alone in a house. The only way that she will be able to have a normal life will be to have her "bed-bound" daughter put into a nursing home. However, in some cultures and with some individuals, that is simply not acceptable. I know the dyamic because, in Cuban culture, putting incapacitated Grandma in a nursing home is considered only slightly less barbaric than a 19th Century Eskimo putting Grandma on an ice flow. I grew up with a bed-bound great-grandmother with Alzheimer's disease being taken care of, at home, for years, until the day she died. My grandmother spent the last 6 years of her life, bed-bound, in my aunt's house. In turn, my aunt spent the last years of her life bed-bound, at home, being taken care of by family. I have seen the psychological toll that it takes on the family caregivers as the years passed.

Once upon a time in America, in "the Walton's" era of extended families, it used to be that way too. However, today, people think in terms of "long-term care insurance". It is assumed that our children will never do for us what this woman is doing for her 31 year old daughter.

It is a paradox, however, that the more you care and the more you sacrifice, the more you can end up feeling resentful. That is exactly what the woman says at the end.

Zitat

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And that, maybe, is the paradox. I am a conscientious and caring parent - yet perhaps I would have resented my children less had I not been.

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There is no excuse for this selfish, egotistic woman to "spill her guts" in print. I hope her son keeps his kids away from the cold hearted bi*ch.
Her husband must be a loon to put up with her!

I really don't care what some Limey Feminist has to say about anything. This is a long winded screed about nothing relevant that should have remained on whatever Leftist blog it would fit in, not in some major paper.

Quote: Olivia wrote in post #7

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There is no excuse for this selfish, egotistic woman to "spill her guts" in print. I hope her son keeps his kids away from the cold hearted bi*ch.
Her husband must be a loon to put up with her!

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Zitat

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http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080613113851AAoTqqT

Why do women hate their husband during labor?

just curious

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I don't think women hate their husbands during labor. Women are in a lot of pain and when you are in pain like that you might say things you don't necessarily mean.

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we dont "hate" our husbands, we are just in so much pain and they are the ones closest to us so we just generally take our frustraitions out on them. My husband says I was pretty mean to the nurses as well during my first childs birth....I dont remember that part due to being in labour so long. But trust me, the medical staff in L&D are use to deal with woman being mean and angry due to pain.

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because when yuo are in a lot of pain, you get angry. and in labor, youre angry at the closest person to you....bam!

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Everybody has a breaking point. She reached hers. Some people who have reached their limits lash out, run away or commit suicide. She "spilled her guts" in print.

She needs psychiatric help and she needs help in managing the home care of her adult, bed-ridden daughter so that her sense of duty is not writing checks that her mind and body can't cash.

The media, however, has focused on the most lurid part of the story. After all, shocking headlines sell newspapers but a mental stress disorder is, well, .... kind of a bummer and who wants to read about that?

Zitat

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http://caregiver-007.hubpages.com/hub/caregiverburnout

What Is Caregiver Burnout, And What Can I Do About It?

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Rather than publishing an article for public consumption, she should just join a message board and burn off her frustrations like we do here!